


Bob

by emit98



Category: Bob's Burgers (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Drugs, F/M, Future Fic, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2018-11-02 15:04:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10946997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emit98/pseuds/emit98
Summary: After a tragic suicide, things are shaken up for the Belchers. Linda moves out with the kids and files for a divorce. Customers stop coming to the restaurant. Bob doesn't know what to.





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m just gonna go check on Mort, make sure he’s okay,” Linda insisted as she took off her apron.

“Lin, I’m sure he’s fine,” Bob replied. “I need you here, we’re in the middle of a rush.” 

“You and the kids can handle it,” Linda said.

“I agree with Linda, Bob,” Teddy piped up from his usual seat on the counter. “Mort hasn’t been here for days.”

“He’s probably at some sort of mortition’s convention,” Bob said. He placed a Burger of the Day platter on the counter. Today’s was I’m A Barbeque Girl, served with barbeque sauce. 

“Nope, that’s not til April,” Teddy said. “Lin, go check on him!”

Bob let out a heavy sigh. “Please make it quick.”

Linda hung her apron on its hook and headed out. Bob called Gene over to serve burgers, and he sighed when he heard him singing the orders to the customers. He did not keep track of how long it took Linda to get back, but was pulled out of the lunch rush autopilot when Linda came running back into the kitchen.

“Bobby,” she cried out. “Mort’s dead!”

“Good one, Lin,” Bob said with a scoff. He slid a patty onto a bun and reached for the condiments.

“I’m serious, Bob!”

Bob looked up at his wife. Her usually calm demeanor was replaced with something worse. He had never seen her so upset before. 

“Wait, did you say Mort’s dead?” Teddy asked.

Linda nodded. 

“Oh no…” Teddy started freaking out as well as Linda. Customers were staring. Bob didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t tell Teddy and Linda to stop, because if Mort really was dead, it would just make him seem like a jerk.

“Okay, it’s okay,” Bob said, trying to calm them both down. “How about we all three go over there? I can put Louise on the grill for a few minutes, Gene can serve the customers. Okay?”

“Wait, why can’t I go?” Louise asked. At fifteen, she had given up the pink bunny ears in flavor of a grey-and-red striped beanie that she never took off. “I wanna see the dead body!”

“Louise,” Bob said. “No. Stay here and cook.”

“Fine,” Louise said with a sigh.

Bob, Linda, and Teddy left the restaurant. Linda was gripping Bob’s hand like a viper. It hurt, but Bob didn’t say anything. His stomach was in knots as they approached Mort’s.

Once in, Bob’s nose was hit with the familiar odor of mothballs and chemicals. The chemical smell was stronger than usual, though.

“He’s downstairs,” Linda said, her voice going quiet.

“Okay… Stay up here, Lin.” Bob knew that seeing Mort once messed Linda up, and he didn’t want her seeing him again.

Linda sat on the couch, grabbing one of the decorative pillows and clutching it to her chest. Teddy followed Bob downstairs.

In the embalming chamber, Mort sat on the floor. He almost looked like he was passed out, except his face had a blue tint to it. An empty jar of embalming fluid laid next to him, and a tube was coming out of his half-open mouth. 

“Oh my god,” Bob whispered. “Teddy, call 911!” Bob ran over to Mort, pulling the tube out of his throat. He checked for a pulse, for breathing, for any sign that Mort was still alive. There were none.

The next few hours were a blur. An ambulance came and took Mort away. A police officer found an envelope addressed “To Whoever Finds Me” and she handed it to Bob. Bob closed the restaurant for the rest of the day. Linda disappeared into her bedroom with a bottle of red wine.

By the time Bob remembered the note, everyone else was asleep. The ambulance had left, bringing Mort to the nearest funeral home.

“If you’re reading this, I am dead. I killed myself. I couldn’t take it anymore: being lonely, with only dead bodies and grieving families to talk to every day.”

Bob couldn’t help but feel a little offended at that, but kept reading. His heart started to race when he saw his name written on the paper.

“Ever since my mother died, everything feels so hopeless. No one really cares about me. The only reason Bob talks to me is because I buy burgers from him. I bet he won’t even care when I’m gone. I bet no one will find me. Nevertheless, I am leaving half my money to Linda Belcher. She’s one of the few genuinely nice people in this town. I’m leaving the other half to Emory, since he’s out of a job now. Sorry, Emory. Sell my house and donate all my supplies to another home. Donate all my stuff to the homeless. Sincerely, Mort.”

Bob had no idea who Emory was, but that was besides the point. He wished he had known Mort had felt that way. He did genuinely like Mort. Bob just had a hard time expressing that.

A few days later was Mort’s funeral. The Belchers, Teddy, and a boy who looked to be in his late teens were the only ones there. Tina even made the drive home from college to attend the funeral. The service was quiet, with the pastor giving a generic eulogy in a solemn voice. 

Bob found himself looking at the strange boy. He had short blonde hair pushed to the side, radiant blue eyes, and a small amount of stubble growing from his round face. He was avoiding eye contact, and he had a notebook that he kept scribbling in. Maybe it was the Emory that Mort had left half his money to.

After the funeral, Bob took the liberty of inviting Teddy to the restaurant for a little get-together to celebrate Mort’s life. He made sure the strange boy was within earshot, then turned around and said, “You can come, too. It’s right next to Mort’s old place.”

“Thanks,” the boy said with an indifferent nod. Tina was practically drooling over him, but he was completely oblivious.

The Belchers left first, going back to the restaurant. Bob put the closed sign up. He did not feel like dealing with customers except for Teddy.

About fifteen minutes later, Teddy got to the restaurant. He jiggled the doorknob, then a look of panic flashed on his face. He jiggled it harder. “Bobby!” He shouted. “Bobby, the door’s locked!”

“Gene, Tina, Louise, can one of you get the door?” Bob asked with a sigh. All three of them were just sitting at a booth.

“I dunno, it’s kind of fun to watch him,” Louise said.

“Louise,” Bob snapped.

“Alright, alright.” Louise signed and stood up. Even for the funeral, she was wearing the beanie with her black skirt and white blouse. She opened the door. “Hey, Teddy,” she said.

“Bob, you invited me here and then locked me out?” Teddy asked.

“I didn’t mean to lock you out,” Bob said. “Teddy, what sort of burger do you want?”

“I’ll have the burger of the day,” Teddy said.

“I didn’t think of one for today,” Bob replied. 

“BOB! YOU CAN’T NOT HAVE A BURGER OF THE DAY!” Teddy shouted.

“FINE, TEDDY! I’LL MAKE A BURGER OF THE DAY!” Bob stormed out of the kitchen, grabbing the chalk. He wrote “RIP Mort Burger”, then underneath, “served in honor of Mort”. Teddy went silent. 

Bob felt bad for losing his temper like that. Even the kids seemed wary of their father for the rest of the afternoon. Linda sat by herself, sipping red wine from the bottle. Bob brought her over a burger with all her favorite toppings, and a side order of fries. She barely picked at her food.

For the next few months, Bob did everything he could to help Linda feel better. He made all the meals, excused her from working in the restaurant, and made sure there was always wine and chocolate in the house for her. He made Gene and Louise help in the restaurant whenever they weren’t in school. Not that it mattered; business started to lull. It got to the point where they barely had any customers.

It was a cold night when Bob was going through the numbers. They did not have enough to pay the rent. Unlike in the past, Bob felt no hope that they would be able to.

Linda entered the kitchen, stumbling slightly. She tossed the latest bottle of wine into the recycling bin. “Bob,” she said. “We need to talk.”

“What’s up, Lin?” Bob asked.

“I can’t stand you anymore,” Linda stated. “All you do is work. And you make the kids work. I’m sick of it!”

“Well, I do run a restaurant,” Bob replied. “And since you stopped working…”

“Well, so-RRY!” Linda said. “I’m done! I’m done with you, Bob! I’m leaving to stay with Gayle, and the kids are coming with me!”

“With Gayle? Really?” Bob asked. “Lin, you’re drunk.., Just go lay down. I’ll bring you some water and—“

“NO!” Linda slammed her fist down on the table. “We’re leaving!” She stumbled to the hallway. “KIDS! We’re stayin’ with Gayle!”

“Mom, do we have to?” Louise asked, coming out of her bedroom and rubbing her eyes. “It’s late, and I have school in the morning.” 

“This isn’t a choice, Louise!” Linda said. “Pack your bags!”’

Bob watched helplessly as his wife and youngest two kids walked out. He watched them walking down the street through the window. He was glad that, at the very least, Linda didn’t try to drive.

He kept trying to call Linda. He also kept trying to call Gene and Louise. One time, Gene answered. 

“Hello?” Gene said.

“Gene! It’s your dad. How are you guys doing at Gayle’s?” Bob asked, relieved to hear his son’s voice.

There was the sounds of scuffling in the background as Bob waited for a response. 

“QUIT CALLING!” Linda’s voice came from the other end. She sounded sober at least…

When the divorce papers came, it was like a punch to the gut. Bob set them on the counter and closed the restaurant. It wasn’t like any customers were coming in, anyways.

He had no wife, was probably going to loose the restaurant, and his own kids weren’t allowed to speak to him. It seemed to Bob as if his life was over.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bob realizes he needs a fresh face in the restaurant. In comes the mysterious boy from the funeral. Bob is hesitant at first, but Emory impresses him.

Bob did not want to go down without a fight. He had spent years working, saving every penny he had to buy the restaurant. It was where he had raised his kids. It was where he and Linda fell in love, fought, and did everything in between. It was all he had left.

What kept customers coming back was the service. Linda would go around giving people food, joking with them, and just generally being herself. It gave the restaurant a fun atmosphere. People would leave with a belly full of food and a good mood, and then come back with friends and family a few days later. By that logic, what the restaurant needed was a new upbeat waiter to give it the fun atmosphere as before.

He spent a day putting up signs around town. They read:

“Looking for a job? Come to Bob’s Burgers anytime from 10AM to 8PM! No prior experience needed.”

To his surprise, someone came in the next day. 

It was the blue-eyed blonde from Mort’s funeral. He was dressed in a shirt and tie, and was holding one of the flyers.

“Hi, uh… I’m here for an interview,” he said.

“Oh, okay, take a seat at one of the booths,” Bob said. “Can I get you a drink or anything?”

“No, thanks,” the boy said. He sat down at the one closest to the door. He had a stiff posture and an overall anxious demeanor. Maybe he wouldn’t help bring customers in…

“Uh… I’ve never done a job interview before,” Bob admitted. “Uh… Tell me about yourself?”

“My name’s Emory,” the boy said. “I worked in fast food in high school and part of college, so, uh, I have experience.”

“This isn’t exactly fast food,” Bob said, feeling offended that this kid was implying his restaurant was fast food.

“I know,” Emory said. “But, like… It kinda is. You provide food, fast. That makes it fast food.”

Bob could not believe the nerve of this kid. “I-I guess!” 

Emory looked away. “Sorry… I didn’t mean to offend you,” he said. “I’m just saying… I have experience doing stuff fast and that could help, I guess…”

“Okay, well, moving on.” Bob didn’t feel like being offended by some teenager anymore. “Are you even old enough to be here?”

Emory glared at Bob. “I’m twenty,” he said. 

“Whatever you say,” Bob said in a condescending tone. No one called his restaurant a fast food place and got away with it.

“Look,” Emory said in a huff, standing up. “If you don’t want me working here, tell me so I don’t waste my time. I know Jimmy Pesto’s hiring, too.”

Bob needed someone working for him, even if it was a weird, rude guy who was barely out of his teens and still had baby fat on his face. He didn’t want his potential employee running off to work for Jimmy Pesto, either. The last thing he needed was two people across the street who hated him. 

“Wait,” Bob said, defeatedly. “Sit down…”

Emory sat back down, still looking annoyed.

“So… Uh… Do you have any experience with anything other than fast food?” Bob asked.

“Yes,” Emory said. “I worked next door for Mort. I was considering going to mortician school, and I wanted to figure out what it was like.”

“Oh, do you still want to do that?” Bob asked.

“Hell no,” Emory replied with a scoff. “I don’t wanna stuff myself with formaldehyde because the only people I ever talk to are dead.”

“Oh… Alright…” Bob stared at the table. “What did you do for Mort, then?”

“Ushering at funerals. Sometimes I was a pallbearer. I took intakes, too. Had to deal with grieving widows and stuff.” Emory shrugged.

That was promising. The kid worked in fast food and worked with sad people. Perfect. Just what the restaurant needed. 

But also, it wasn’t like there were lines of people waiting to get this job.

“When would you be able to start?” Bob asked.

“The sooner the better,” Emory replied.

“Okay, uh… Come in tomorrow at 9:30. Come around back, and I’ll let you in,” Bob said.

“Great!” Emory smiled, then stood up. “Should I wear anything specific?”

“Just, uh, dress casual? Like, not jeans and a t-shirt, but not a suit, you know?” Bob said.

“Got it,” Emory said. “Thanks.”

The rest of the day was completely dead, once more. However, Bob was excited for the next day. Even though Emory seemed like kind of a dick, he was intriguing to Bob. And that smile…

The next morning, Bob was down in the restaurant by 9 in the morning. He wanted to make sure the restaurant was in tip-top condition before Emory arrived. He swept, wiped everything down, and cleaned the fingerprints off the window. He heard a knock on the kitchen door at approximately 9:25. Bob went to open it, and Emory was standing there in a short-sleeved grey button-up and a blue and pink plaid bowtie. He definitely looked like someone Bob would buy a burger from.

“Hi,” Bob said. “Come in, I’ll give you a tour.” 

Emory entered the kitchen, and Bob showed him around, making sure to subtly point out how clean he made everything. Emory followed him, nodding and looking at everything. His hands were shoved into his pockets. 

When they were done, they ended up back in the dining room area. 

“Okay,” Bob said. “We, uh, usually don’t get a lot of customers earlier in the day. So I’m gonna send you out in the burger costume to pass out flyers.”

Emory cocked an eyebrow. “Burger costume?”

“Yeah, uh, it’s a costume… Shaped like a burger. It drums up business.” Bob went into the storage room to get it. He handed it to Emory. “You can go change in the bathroom.”

Emory was looking at Bob like he was high. “Are you high?” He asked.

“Come on, please?” Bob asked. “If it doesn’t fit, you don’t have to wear it.”

Emory stared at the costume with distaste. “Okay…” He disappeared into the bathroom. Soft swears came from the room as he put the costume on. Emory came out, his expression similar to a dog who was wrestled into a sweater by its owner.

Bob briefly thought that it was adorable, but he shook those thoughts away. He had half a mind to let Emory take it off, but he needed customers. “Okay, good, it fits,” he said. He handed Emory the stack of flyers. “Just spend an hour or so walking along the pier. Hand out flyers, invite people to the restaurant. Be friendly and stuff.”

Emory took the flyers and nodded. “Yeah. Okay,” he said. He left out the front door. 

Bob stayed behind the counter, waiting for a customer to come in. To his delight, an older woman walked in, holding a flyer. She sat down and ordered. 

“Your burger boy was just so charming!” She said. “I just had to come here!” 

“My burger boy…?” She couldn’t possibly mean Emory?

“The boy handing out flyers,” the lady said. “He was so friendly! And handsome! Even in that ridiculous outfit.”

Obviously, there was more to Emory than what Bob had seen. He served the woman her food. A few more customers trickled in. It was by no means busy, but it was more customers than Bob had had since Linda left…

Emory came back, still looking grumpy and still wearing the burger costume. He went to the bathroom and took it off before going to lean against the counter. “What now?” He asked.

“You take orders and wait tables,” Bob said. “Put the costume away and I’ll get you a pen and stuff.”

Emory did as Bob told him, then got the notepad and pen from Bob. He went to take the orders of the new customers. Bob kept an eye on him from the kitchen. It was like watching an entirely different person. Emory was smiling, conversing with the customers, even joking with them. The customers were loving it. He was quick in taking orders, and seemed to have impeccable balance with carrying the burgers over to the tables. The customers were leaving happy and full. 

As he watched Emory, Bob couldn’t help but feel a stirring in his chest he hadn't felt since the day Linda Belcher accidentally smacked him in the face. 

At the end of the day, Bob sat down at one of the booths to count the money for the day. Emory sat across from him.

“So, uh,” he said. “Can I keep tips or do you want some of it…?”

“No, no, tips are yours,” Bob said. “You, uh, did great…”

“Thanks,” Emory said, back to his previous stoic self. “Can I leave?”

“Sure,” Bob said. “See you tomorrow morning.”

Within the hour, the restaurant was completely locked up and Bob was in bed. For weeks, he laid awake half the night thinking about Linda, and the kids. 

But tonight, Linda felt like a distant memory. All Bob could think about was Emory. It was a welcome change.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bob catches Louise sneaking in the house to get her stuff, and realizes how much he misses his kids.

As she grew older, Louise lost none of the attitude she had as a child. The only thing that changed was that she got smarter and learned how to seem innocent and unsuspecting until she needed to unleash on someone.

When Louise was a freshman in high school, Gene was a junior. He came out as gay, and in true Gene fashion, he made a big deal out of it. He showed up to school wearing short denim shorts, a pink shirtless tee that he bedazzled with the word “FABULOUS”, and a rainbow flag wrapped around his neck as a cape. It was the sort of thing that everyone sort of already knew, plus Gene was pretty popular, so everyone was accepting of him.

At least, that was how it seemed until he and Louise were walking home from school. A group of senior boys were waiting in an alley, just like in a tacky movie. When Gene walked by, they started following him. Louise knew they were doing it, and she had a good chance of what their intentions were. It was a well-lit sidewalk on an afternoon, though, so they wouldn’t…

But they did. One of the guys called out “Hey, faggot!” The others immediately joined in, shouting similar slurs at him. Then, the one closest to the front grabbed the rainbow flag. 

Louise shot around, and she clocked him in the nose. There were six guys in the group, and anyone with half a brain would think Louise and Gene stood no chance. After all, Louise was a petite 14-year-old whose wardrobe consisted of hoodies and skinny jeans, and Gene proudly proclaimed whenever the subject came up that he was a lover, not a fighter.

That did not stop Louise from kicking all of their asses with barely a scratch on herself. She only stopped when a police officer intervened. The officer “escorted” Louise and Gene home. When Bob and Linda saw a cop car stopping outside the restaurant with their two youngest children in the back, they just about had a heart attack. The officer explained she stopped a fight Louise was involved in, but that it appeared to be in self-defense. 

When Gene and Louise gave their side of the story, their parents felt unbelievably proud of their daughter. That night, once the kids were asleep, Bob gave Linda a 20 dollar bill; she had won the bet that Louise would be brought home in a police car before she turned sixteen.

Soon after she turned fifteen, Louise started changing. She was realizing how she could manipulate men with her looks. She exchanged the skinny jeans for short skirts, and the baggy hoodies for shirts that showed off just enough. The only part of her previous style she kept was the beanie. She learned the ins and outs of make-up, even though she certainly didn’t need it. Louise’s first real boyfriend was an older boy who went to the private school in town. He had a rich family and while they were dating, she managed to get him to buy her all sorts of gifts and take her out on many extravagant dates. 

It was pretty clear that Louise was the one in charge of the relationship. She dumped him when he tried to touch her chest, and she broke his finger. His parents threatened to press charges, and Linda threatened to countersue for statutory rape, as the boy was eighteen and Louise was only fifteen.

Louise finished freshman year with a string of similar relationships: rich, increasingly older boys who she refused to have sex with but spent plenty of time with. Then, just as suddenly as the behavior started, it topped. Louise went back to her hoodies and skinny jeans, and she stopped wearing make-up to school. She still went out at night, but claimed she was going to hang out with her friends. Linda and Bob took it at face value, since they did not exactly approve of her going out with older men. They both knew trying to stop Louise would be futile and just lead to her getting more and more careless. They also both knew damn well that she would be able to defend herself, and that she wouldn’t drink any drinks from strangers, or get into a stranger’s car, or any of that stuff. And she never once broke curfew, or came home under the influence of anything. 

Upon leaving her childhood home with her mother and brother, Louise left behind most of her dresses and skirts. What her father did not notice was that they were slowly disappearing from her closet. Bob did not realize it until the night after Emory’s first shift. He was peacefully asleep when he heard the door opening. 

Immediately, the worst fear was that someone was breaking in. Maybe he forgot to lock the door or something. Bob grabbed the lamp on the nightstand; he didn’t keep any better weapons in his bedroom. He snuck out of his room, stepping as lightly as possible. He saw a light on in Louise’s bedroom. The door was slightly ajar.

Bob stepped towards it, and then kicked the door open. To his surprise, Louise was standing there, with a couple of her old dresses draped over her arm. She had a deer in the headlights look. 

“Louise?” Bob lowered the lamp. “What are you doing…?”

“I just needed to get some stuff, dad,” she said. 

“It’s…” Bob frowned, unsure of the time. “Late. Is everything alright?”

“Yeah.” Louise inched towards the door. “I gotta get back to Aunt Gayle’s.”

“Hey,” Bob said with a frown. “If you need to come back and get stuff, it’s fine. Just come by after school or something. I promise not to tell Linda.”

“Okay, Dad, thanks.” Louise stared down at the dresses in her arms. 

“I’ll give you a ride back to Gayle’s,” Bob offered. 

Louise forced a smile and nodded. “Yeah, Dad,” she said. “Thanks.”

Bob put the lamp back in his room before going out to the car with Louise. It was old and loud, but it got him to where he needed to go. 

The ride to Gayle’s apartment was quiet. Bob was falling back from his intruder-induced rush of adrenaline, and Louise was a fifteen-year-old girl.

When they were about a block away, Louise spoke up. 

“Drop me off here,” she said. “Mom knows what your car sounds like.”

“Oh… Okay.” Bob pulled over to the sidewalk so Louise could get out. “Just so you know, if you and Gene need to come get stuff… Or just visit… You can just come by. I don’t mind.”

“Okay, Dad, thanks,” Louise said. She flashed him a small smile before getting out of the car. Bob stayed parked, making sure Louise got where she needed to get safely. It hit him hard how much he missed having his kids around. Even though they were terrible at their jobs and gave him attitude and sometimes scared away customers. Everything was just so quiet and empty without them around. Bob had a feeling that Emory would relieve some of that, but that was just during the day. He still had to go back upstairs at night to the empty, quiet house with no dinner cooking, no kids asking for help with homework, and no trying to pretend he couldn’t hear them trying to cover up some shenanigan. 

Bob drove home and pulled his car around back. He walked around to the front of his house, and stopped when he noticed there was a light on in the top of the funeral home, where Mort’s guest room was. Strange… Was Emory staying there? Judging by the “FOR SALE” sign with a “SOLD” sticker slapped on it, he wouldn’t be there for long.

That would be something to worry about on a later day, though. Bob went back upstairs and fell asleep again, but not before making sure the doors were locked.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bob asks Emory about his living situation, and Tina comes home from college.

Bob decided to wait on asking Emory if he was staying at Mort’s old place. He felt an overwhelming fear of Emory thinking he was weird or creepy. They had a good thing going, with brief conversation at the beginning and the end of the day about random things that happened during the day. Bob always looked forward to the end-of-the-day conversations. Emory was still in server mode, with his little smiles and friendly demeanor. 

…And, truthfully, it slipped Bob’s mind. It was one of those things he meant to bring up, then completely forgot about until he saw something that refreshed his memory on the subject.

It was when Emory started coming in looking more disheveled than usual when Bob finally decided to ask what was going on. He wrote down to ask about it on a napkin, and shoved it in his pocket so he would be sure to do it once the restaurant was closed.

Closing time came, and Bob and Emory sat at their usual booth. 

“I swear,” Emory said as he counted his tips. “If another customer snaps at me to get my attention, I’m gonna snap right back.” He always said things like that after his shifts to let some steam off. 

“Sometimes Linda would start snapping and then break into a musical number,” Bob said with a small chuckle.

Emory knew better than to say it out loud, but he felt it was kind of pathetic how Bob kept bringing up things Linda used to do. He shifted through the rest of the money.

Bob reached into his pocket, and then pulled out the napkin. He looked at it, then up at Emory. “Uh, hey, question,” he said.

“Yeah?” Emory asked.

“You’ve, uh… Where have you been staying?” Bob asked. “I don’t mean to be nosy, it’s just, uh… Mort’s house got sold and what not.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Emory said coldly. 

“But… It’s just… There are extra bedrooms upstairs,” Bob said quickly. “So, if you need a place to stay…”

The cold demeanor seemed to melt a little. “Oh,” he said. “I’ve just been sleeping on my friend’s couch…. I could stay here, though, if you think you could, like, handle it and stuff.”

“What do you mean, if I could handle it?” Bob asked.

“Like, being around me so much,” Emory said, shoving his hands into his pockets and avoiding Bob’s eyes.

Did Emory seriously say that? Could it be that his stoic demeanor was not the result of young adult cockiness, but something else…? 

“That won’t happen,” Bob said with a scoff to make it seem like he wasn’t thinking about it so much. “I can, uh, drive you to wherever you’re staying so you can get your stuff.”

“No, no, I can go get it,” Emory said. He cracked a small smile. “Thanks… It’s, uh, cool of you…”

When Emory had a genuine smile, it made Bob’s heart flutter, even the small ones. “It’s not a problem, really,” he said. “Just knock when you get back and I’ll let you in.”

“Yeah, of course,” Emory said. He left out the door of the restaurant. 

Bob did the last of the cleaning, and then locked the door before going upstairs. As he walked inside, he noticed how messy everything was. He had been neglecting in his cleaning since Linda left, and it really showed. There would almost certainly not be enough time to clean everything in the time before Emory got back, but Bob knew he had time to clean up somewhat. 

Bob was in the kitchen, throwing together a quick dinner when he heard the door downstairs being opened. “I need to start checking those locks more,” he murmured to himself. He left the kitchen and then smiled when he saw Tina walking in. “Tina! It’s good to see you!” 

“Hi, Dad,” Tina said. She set her bag down on the floor. “I’m home from school.”

“Yeah, Tina, I know,” Bob replied. “I wasn’t expecting you to come here.”

“Where else am I supposed to go?” Tina asked. 

“With your mom and siblings. At Aunt Gayle’s,” Bob answered.

“I just wanted to come home,” Tina replied. “I’ll visit them tomorrow.” She looked around. “Dad, do you need help cleaning?”

“Yeah, that would be great,” Bob said. The two got to cleaning, with Tina asking occasionally where Bob wanted something, or if he wanted it thrown away.

There was a knock on the door about forty-five minutes after Tina arrived at the house. Tina looked at her father with a questioning expression.

“That must be Emory,” Bob said, unable to help the smile on his face.

“Who?” Tina asked.

Bob went down to open the door. Emory stood there, wearing a backpack and carrying a duffel bag.

“Thanks for this,” Emory said with a shy smile. 

“It’s really no problem,” Bob replied. He led Emory upstairs. “Emory, this is my daughter, Tina. Tina, this is Emory. He works in the restaurant now and he’s staying here for a bit.”

“Oh.” Tina eyed Emory, then did an awkward hair flip. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Tina, and my friends call me Tina.”

“Nice to meet you,” Emory said, reaching his hand out to shake Tina’s. Tina shook Emory’s hand, holding on for a bit too long. 

Bob went to the kitchen to finish making dinner. He heard the two conversing in the living room. Emory was asking Tina about college, and Tina was telling him about a story she wrote for class, mentioning that the professor thought it was very raunchy and feminist in the way it portrayed the female character being in control of the situation. Bob recognized the tone Tina was using. She got slightly less awkward as she got older, and part of that meant getting somewhat better at flirting. She was definitely trying to flirt with Emory.

When the dinner was ready and food was set out, Bob called for the two to come to the kitchen. He made sure to sit next to Emory before Tina could. The two kept talking anyways. It was mostly Tina talking about college and Emory nodding, but Bob was worried they were hitting it off. 

Bob changed the topic during a lull in conversation. “So, Tina, have you seen Jimmy Jr. yet?” He asked. “He came home for the summer last week.”

“I just got home today, Dad,” Tina said. “This was literally the first place I came.”

“Who’s Jimmy Jr.?” Emory asked.

“He’s my long-distance boyfriend,” Tina replied. “But we’re in an open relationship. We both felt it would be healthy if we did that, so we can explore and experiment with other people while still having each other.”

“Oh, uh… That’s nice,” Emory said, staring down at his plate.

“Tina, that’s not appropriate dinner conversation,” Bob said with a small sigh. 

“I’m just answering his question, Dad,” Tina said defensively. 

After dinner was over and everything was cleaned up, Bob went to go make sure neither of the currently unoccupied bedrooms were too messy. Neither were; Louise liked to keep things organized, and Gene had gone on a cleaning binge the weekend before Linda left. He called Emory over. “You can choose between these two, so… Uh… Yeah. Just don’t mess with what’s in there, I guess. The kids should be around to get the rest of their stuff soon, hopefully.”

Emory flashed Bob a small smile. “Thanks again for this,” he said. “I really appreciate it.”

“It’s no trouble, really,” Bob said. “Especially since you’re such a great help around the restaurant.”

Emory leaned in ever so slightly before going off to get his bags. He settled on Gene’s room, since the color of the walls were less bright. He arranged his bags in a corner, then went back out. 

Tina sat on the couch, texting on her phone. When Emory came out, she looked up at him. “So, Emory,” she said. “I guess we’re gonna be working together this summer…”

“Yeah, I was thinking that, at the very least, you two could switch off days during the week and then on the weekends, both of you could work since its busier then,” Bob said, finding himself not wanting to let Tina and Emory talk alone. “I’ll see if your mom will let Gene and Louise work here, too.”

“Why wouldn’t they be able to?” Tina asked. “Is it because you and Mom got a divorce?”

“Yes, Tina,” Bob said with a sigh. 

“I wrote a slam poem about that,” Tina said. “I performed it at coffee hour.”

“…Great,” Bob said. He stood up. “It’s getting late, I’m going to bed. You two should, too.”

“You’re right,” Tina agreed, standing up as well. “Emory, sorry if you hear my night terrors.” With that, she went to bed.

Bob felt embarrassed about Tina being, well, Tina in front of Emory. He felt like he should apologize, but he also felt bad for thinking of his daughter that way. It would really only take some getting used to... 

The thoughts raised the big question: What was Emory doing to Bob?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Tina's relationship ends, Linda's begins, much to Bob's dismay.

Bob gave Tina the next day off, to give her a chance to visit her mother and Jimmy Jr. As much as he detested the Pesto family, the thought of Tina and Emory spending too much time together made him nauseous. He was hoping that sending her off to visit her boyfriend would make her forget about Emory. 

That morning before opening, Bob stood in the window of the restaurant, watching Tina and Jimmy Jr. talk to each other. They were sitting in the outdoor patio, both with tea cups in front of them. They were holding hands. Jimmy Jr. was sitting very straight, and very stiff. His face was very serious as he spoke. Tina’s back was to him, so Bob couldn’t make out his daughter’s facial expressions. 

Then, Tina stood up. She threw her tea in Jimmy Jr’s face. 

“Crap,” Bob whispered under his breath. 

Judging by Jimmy Jr’s reaction being more shock and less in-intense-pain, at least the beverage wasn’t too hot.

Tina ran back to the restaurant, in tears. Bob opened the door.

“I hate Jimmy Jr!” She sobbed. “I hate him I hate him and his stupid handsome face and his stupid perfect butt!”

“What happened?” Bob asked, going to pour Tina a cup of coffee.

“He said he broke up with me because he wants to see other people!” Tina said.

“Wait, I thought you two were in an open relationship?” Bob said.

“That’s what I said to him! But no! I guess he wants it even more open!” Tina sighed and grabbed her coffee, downing half of it. 

Emory came downstairs in an old t-shirt with a faded logo and plaid pajama bottoms. His hair was disheveled and he was still half awake, but he had seen the note Bob had written on the fridge, saying that there was coffee downstairs. He saw Tina and just blinked, too tired to react properly. He went to pour himself a cup of coffee. 

“This is stupid!” Tina declared. “Boys are stupid! Dating is stupid!”

Emory mixed in cream and sugar to his coffee, then took a long sip. “Why’s that?” He asked. 

“Jimmy Jr. just broke up with me!” Tina said as she went to pour herself another cup of coffee.

“That’s rough,” Emory said. “Any particular reason?”

“He wants to see other people,” Tina said.

“but… What about the whole open relationship thing?” Emory asked.

The conversation was starting to sound like déjà vu to Bob, so he went to work on stuff in the kitchen that he needed to get done before they opened for the day. He listened in anyways as Tina went on ranting about how men suck. 

“Yeah, when my last boyfriend broke up with me, I was pretty wrecked,” Emory said with a shrug.

“Boyfriend?” Tina and Bob both said in unison, Tina sounding disappointed and Bob sounding hopeful. Bob cleared his throat after the word left his mouth.

“…Yeah,” Emory said, glancing between the two of them. “I’m bi.”

“Oh,” Tina said with a small nod. “Just like our county!” 

“Tina, for the millionth time, our county isn’t bi! That’s not what bi-county means,” Bob said.

“Just because the county can be openly bi and you can’t doesn’t mean you can hate on it, Dad,” Tina said.

“Yeah, Bob,” Emory said with a laugh.

“Emory, go get dressed. Get ready for work,” Bob said with a small sigh.

“Let me finish my coffee first,” Emory replied.

“Fine. At 9:45, I want you down here to start opening. You’re going in the burger suit today,” Bob said.

“The same burger suit Gene used to pee in?” Tina asked.

Emory’s eyes widened. “What?”

“I had it dry-cleaned!” Bob said quickly. “I swear, it’s not peed up!”

“I’m not wearing something someone peed in,” Emory said. “Jesus Christ, that’s sick!”

Bob glared at his daughter. “Fine. No burger costume. But you’re still going outside to drum up business.” 

Emory was quiet after that, quickly downing his coffee before heading upstairs to get dressed. 

“Sorry, Dad,” Tina said.

“It’s fine,” Bob said. “Go say hi to your mom.”

“Okay.” Tina went to bring her mug to the kitchen to be washed.

“Before you go, text Gene and Louise and ask them if they need anything from home,” Bob said.

“Will do,” Tina replied, pulling out her phone. She sent a quick text to both her siblings and then went to sit on the counter while she waited for their replies.

Emory came downstairs, looking less exhausted and disheveled than before. He was dressed in jeans and a polo shirt, and his hair was nicely combed.

Soon, Tina left and Emory was outside, smiling and charming it up to anyone who walked past. Bob waited inside for customers. There was a steady stream throughout the first part of the day. Around the lunch rush, Emory came back in to wait tables. Soon, the lunch rush died down.

Bob came out to the counter to help Emory clean a bit. He was feeling anxious, because the rent was way past due and today was the day he would get a very angry letter from Mr. Fischoeder about it. When Mike the Mailman came by, however, there were no letters from Mr. Fischoeder. Bob figured it somehow got lost in the mail. At least that might hold up as a valid excuse when his landlord came strolling in to demand the rent.

Tina came home later that evening, shortly after the restaurant was completely closed for the day. 

“How’s your mom doing?” Bob asked Tina after all small talk was out of the way.

“She’s doing alright,” Tina said. “She’s going on a date tonight.”

Bob frowned. “A date? With who?”

“I’m not supposed to tell you,” Tina said. “She told me to mention she was going on the date but not to tell you that it’s with Teddy.”

“What?” Bob groaned. “She’s going on a date with Teddy? Oh my god...”

Tina looked slightly frantic. “Don’t tell her I told you.”

“How could Teddy do this?” Bob asked.

“Who’s Teddy?” Emory asked.

“He used to be a regular here,” Bob said. “He stopped coming in after Mort’s funeral and… Now, apparently, he’s dating my wife. Some friend he is.”

“Come on, Dad,” Tina said. “Mom deserves some happiness, don’t you think?”

“I guess,” Bob said. He stood up from the table. “I’m not hungry anymore. Clean up when you’re done with dinner.” He went to his room and closed and locked the door. He felt miserable, more so than he had in months. 

How could Linda move on so fast? And how could Teddy betray his trust like that?

Bob always suspected Teddy had a thing for Linda. But it was Teddy; he had a thing for any woman who talked to him and didn’t throw a drink in his face. It seemed to Bob that the universe was just trying harder and harder to fuck him, and it was succeeding. He thought for a moment that maybe Mr. Fischoeder had so much money he paid karma itself to mess up Bob’s life for being so late with the rent. That was a stupid idea, but it was better than dwelling on the realization that it was all his fault for being an awful husband and an awful friend.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gene's band has lots of work to do before their first gig of the summer.

Gene’s main focus his senior year was not school or prom or anything like that. His main focus was his band, B3. The three members, Gene, Courtney Wheeler, and Jimmy Jr., all represented a different “B”-“bear”, “butch”, and “bi”. Gene identified himself as a bear, in the sense that he was a large, hairy gay man. He played keyboard and background vocals for the band. Courtney, who had come out shortly after Gene did but as a lesbian, identified herself as the “butch” of the group. She did percussion in the forms of drums and a rainbow-painted tambourine. Jimmy Jr. identified himself as the “bi” of the group. He was on guitar and vocals, along with some light choreography. Together, they made B3, and performed a mix of covers and original music. 

The band had started almost as a joke during lunch one day during Gene’s junior year, shortly after coming out. Courtney had come out to him the night before, through text. Gene sat at lunch with her, Tina, Jimmy Jr, and Zeke. Jimmy Jr. had come out as bi during his freshman year of high school, and tended to be very open about it.

As Gene ate his burnt chicken nuggets, he glanced around the table. First at Jimmy Jr, then at Courtney, then at the rainbow pin he had stuck to his backpack. The idea struck him.

“Hey, Courtney,” he said.

“Yeah?” The blonde girl asked.

“How would you feel about getting some flannels and a pixie cut?” Gene asked.

Next thing they knew, they were rehearsing in the basement of Bob’s Burgers, trying to find their sound.

Though they were not the best, they got a lot of local gigs when Jimmy Jr. came home for breaks and for the summer. They also had an album out, thanks to Courtney’s dad’s recording equipment. They usually managed to sell at least a couple at each gig. Usually to drunk people who got way too into the music, but a sale was a sale.

Gene, who also insisted on serving as the band’s manager, had arranged a gig only a few days after Jimmy Jr. got back from college. They had not gotten the chance to rehearse since winter break, which was several months ago at that point. 

Although Jimmy Jr. was out of school for the summer, Gene and Courtney both had about a month left of their senior year of high school. That was not going to stop Gene. Determined to make sure his band had a great first gig of summer, he insisted they meet up to rehearse every day after school leading up to the gig. They rehearsed at Courtney’s house, because Bob banned them from rehearsing at the restaurant because it scared away customers, and the same went for Jimmy Pesto.

There were definitely benefits to rehearsing at Courtney’s house. Her dad was always ready to give constructive feedback. If they wanted to experiment with different instruments, he was more than happy to show them how to use them as long as they were careful. He also had a soundproof rehearsal studio he was happy to let them use. And lastly, Courtney’s mom made the best snacks. They were even better than the snacks they got at either boys’ fathers’ restaurants. 

The first day Jimmy Jr. was back, he went to pick up his bandmates from school. He actively chose not to mention his break-up with Tina yet. He didn’t want to tell Gene right before their gig. The last thing the band needed was inner drama.

He also didn’t want to tell Gene because his reasoning for breaking up with Tina was more complicated than him wanting to see other people.

They got to Courtney’s house and were greeted with a smile, three cups of blueberry iced tea, and a plate of adorable finger sandwiches. After snack time came rehearsal time. Since they were a little shaky, they started off with some classics that they all knew by heart. Once those were done, they started on the new songs they had decided to try and tackle over the summer.

Time got a hold of the three of them, and by the time they finished rehearsing, it was getting late.

“Would you boys like to stay for dinner?” Mrs. Wheeler asked Gene and Jimmy Jr.

“Yes!” Gene said immediately.

“I would like to, but I’m not sure,” Jimmy Jr. said.

“You’re my ride home so you’re staying,” Gene insisted.

“Fine,” Jimmy said with a shrug. 

Gene dominated the dinner conversation, talking about his goals for the band for that summer and beyond.

“You might wanna reconsider a bit of that,” Mr. Wheeler said. “Courtney got accepted into University of Michigan!”

“Yep!” Courtney beamed. “I did!”

“Why would you wanna go to school in Michigan?” Gene asked with a grimace.

“It’s family tradition,” Courtney said. “It’s been my goal to go there since I was little.”

“You never told me about that,” Gene said.

“It never came up in conversation,” Courtney replied. “But yeah… I’m going to Michigan, and I plan on living there through the summer, too.”

“Band rehearsal can be done over Skype, I guess,” Gene said with a shrug. 

“No… Gene…” Mr. Wheeler said.

“I’m gonna quit the band after this summer,” Courtney said.

“You can’t do that!” Gene said. “Then who’ll be the butch?”

“I’m sure you can find someone else,” Courtney said. 

“This is unacceptable!” Gene stood up. “I will not stand for this!” He quickly shoveled the last of the dinner into his mouth. “Jimmy Jr., we’re leaving!” He started storming to the door, then stopped. “Lovely dinner, Mrs. Wheeler,” he said calmly. 

Jimmy Jr. got up, flashing an awkward, apologetic smile to the Wheelers as Gene stormed out the front door. 

“See you tomorrow?” Jimmy Jr said to Courtney, knowing Gene was just having a tantrum and he’d be ready to rehearse the next day.

“Yeah, see you,” Courtney said. “Good luck with him.”

Gene was already waiting in Jimmy Jr’s car, arms crossed over his chest. Jimmy Jr. got in and silently started driving.

A few minutes later, Gene turned to Jimmy Jr. 

“Have you ever gotten high?” He asked.

“What?” Jimmy Jr. gave him a look. “Why do you wanna know?”

“I never have. But I think now would be a good time to experiment,” Gene explained.

“Just because Courtney’s going to college in a different state?” Jimmy Jr. asked. “Isn’t that a bit of an overreaction?”

“Is it, James?” Gene asked. “Is it?”

“I have some stuff at my place. Just don’t call me James.”

Once home, Jimmy Jr. brought Gene up to his bedroom. It wasn’t the first time Gene had been up there, but it had been a while and the room was not quite in the shape it used to be in. Upon Jimmy Jr. moving out for college, his father had converted it into an exercise room with a bed and a dresser shoved into the corner. Luckily for Jimmy Jr., his dad lost all motivation to work out. Unluckily, he also refused to do anything with the barely-touched exercise equipment. Also among it was several unpacked boxes from college. 

Jimmy Jr. dug through one of the boxes and pulled out a small-sized plastic Tupperware container. He opened the lid, revealing a lighter, a glass pipe, and a plastic baggie of green stuff. Gene made a face at the smell that emitted from it.

“What’s wrong?” Jimmy Jr. asked.

“It smells like Axe,” Gene said. “But, like, if Axe tried to make a nature scent.”

Jimmy Jr. shrugged. “We don’t have to smoke it,” he said.

“No, I still want to,” Gene said quickly.

Jimmy Jr. cracked open his bedroom window, then he got the stuff ready. Soon, the herb was in the pipe. Jimmy Jr. gave a brief demonstration on how to smoke the weed, then handed the pipe and lighter to Gene as he coughed away. Gene did as Jimmy Jr. showed him, and started coughing as well.

Soon, the room was full of the smell of the marijuana, with a fan pointing towards them to try and usher the smoke out the window. Gene was laying across the weight bench, staring at the ceiling. The high had hit him, and it hit him hard.

Jimmy Jr., who had more experience smoking, was still working on getting to the same point as Gene. He took another hit of the pipe, then set it down on top of his dresser. 

“This is some strong stuff, man,” Gene said, waving his hand in front of his face. 

“Yeah… My guy’s pretty good,” Jimmy Jr. said. “So what’s going on with the gig tomorrow?” 

Gene grimaced. “I don’t wanna think about that bullshit,” he said. “How’s dance school?”

“Good,” Jimmy Jr. said. “I made Dean’s List.”

“That’s good,” Gene said. 

“Excited to graduate high school?” Jimmy Jr. asked.

Gene shrugged. “I guess…”

Jimmy Jr. let out a breathy laugh. “You wanna know what I think, Gene?”

“Shoot,” Gene said.

“I think… You’re scared you won’t have anything after high school,” Jimmy Jr. said. “No college. No job. No band.” 

Gene didn’t say anything.

“I think you’re scared and you wanna try to keep the band together because it’s the last thing you have left,” Jimmy Jr. continued. He stood up and walked over to the weight bench, looking down at Gene. “Am I right?”

Gene did not avoid Jimmy Jr.’s intense stare. “Shut up,” he said. He sat up, stretching his arms. 

“I’m right,” Jimmy Jr. said. “I’m right and you know it.”

“I said shut up,” Gene repeated. 

“Make me.”

Gene went with his first impulsive decision to kiss Jimmy Jr. hard on the lips. Jimmy Jr. kissed back.

Normally, Gene saw two different versions of Jimmy Jr.: The version that existed as Tina’s boyfriend, and the version that existed the guitarist and lead vocalist for his band. Now, there was a third Jimmy Jr., and this was one Gene wanted to slap in the face. 

Under the influence of weed, the two made love on top of Jimmy Jr’s bed. Both fell asleep afterwards.

When Gene woke up, the sky was dark and the room was cold. Jimmy Jr. was no longer in the bed next to him, but instead curled up on the floor with a pillow and a blanket. Gene felt disgusting as he put his pants back on and snuck out of Jimmy Jr.’s house. Though most of the evening was a blurry memory, he knew exactly what he had done. 

He had slept with his sister’s boyfriend. And there was no way in Hell he would tell her.

For the first time since it happened, Gene was glad his parents had gotten a divorce. At least with him and Tina living in separate places, the urge to tell her everything wouldn’t be as strong.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teddy pays Linda a visit, and things take an unexpected turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: This takes place before Chapter 5.

After leaving Bob, Linda spent several days getting drunk off her ass and crying. Gayle tried to comfort her. Gayle’s cats tried to comfort her. The only thing that made her feel the least bit better was more wine.

Teddy had somehow found out where she was staying, as Linda found out when Gayle went to answer the door.

“Linda!” Gayle called out. “There’s a man here to see you!”

“If it’s Bob, tell him to go screw himself,” Linda said from the couch.

“It’s not Bob! It’s a different man,” Gayle said.

Linda got up, wrapping the cat hair-covered couch blanket around herself. 

“Hi, Linda!” Teddy said. He was wearing a nicer shirt than usual and holding a small bouquet of flowers.

“Hi, Teddy,” Linda said skeptically. “What are you doing here?”

“I just wanted to check up on you. It’s lonely in the restaurant without you and the kids,” Teddy said.

“Well, I’m sure as hell not going back there,” Linda said.

“I know, I know,” Teddy said quickly. “I just thought you could use some cheerin’ up, so, uh…” He held out the flowers. The stems were bent, as Teddy had been gripping them tightly the whole way over.

Linda looked at them and smiled. “Why, thank-you, Teddy,” she said, taking them. “Wanna come in? Have a drink or something?”

“Sure,” Teddy said. “What do you got?”

“Water, lots of juices…” Linda started listing.

“I’m on a juice cleanse,” Gayle explained.

“Gayle, how about you go brush your cat?” Linda suggested.

“Ohh, good idea!” Gayle said. “Mr. Business…!”

As Gayle chased after her cat, Linda led Teddy inside. 

“You and the kids are all staying here?” Teddy asked, looking around the small studio apartment. Gayle’s bed was in the corner, and sleeping bags were rolled up against the wall.

“Yeah…” Linda sighed. “It’s stressful but I need to find a job and find somewhere bigger. At least Louise and Gene have school and friends and stuff.”

“You could let them stay with Bob,” Teddy suggested.

“Nope,” Linda said. “Don’t mention his name in front of me.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Teddy said. “You know, Linda… I have a pretty big house… And, ah, it gets lonely sometimes.”

“Teddy…” Linda smiled. “That’s too kind. But I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Teddy asked. “I’ll even charge ya rent if it makes it any better. Please, Linda, I got three spare bedrooms. Three! No one needs three spare bedrooms.”

“You could always move somewhere smaller,” Linda suggested.

“Yeah… I could… But that would mean finding somewhere and touring houses and packing… Too much work, Linda,” Teddy said.

Linda suddenly thought of… Well, every night in Gayle’s house. Linda appreciated her sister’s kindness, but Gayle snored. And kicked. And sometimes woke up screaming. Between the stress of life, the alcohol, and the lack of sleep… 

“Fine,” Linda said.

“You and the kids’ll move in?” Teddy’s face lit up. “That’s great! I can start gettin’ things ready! Get ya beds, sheets, all that stuff. Would Gene want a lava lamp?”

“Teddy, I can take care of that stuff,” Linda said. “I’ve still got a lot of Mort’s inheritance left.”

“Well… If you insist,” Teddy said. 

“Linda, you’re moving out?” Gayle asked. She had caught Mr. Business and taken him into the bathroom, where all the cat grooming products were.

“Yeah, Gayle,” Linda said with a small sigh. “It’s time.”

“But it’ll be so lonely without you here,” Gayle said. “It’ll be quiet… Just me and my cats… All alone…”

“I’ll still visit,” Linda promised. “Maybe now you can start dating again!”

“Oh, no,” Gayle replied. “Not since Mr. Frond.”

“You dated him years ago, Gayle!” Linda said. “It’s time to move on!”

“But what if my next boyfriend ends up gay?” Gayle asked. “I don’t think I could handle that again!”

“That won’t happen again,” Linda said. “Teddy can hook you up with one of his friends.”

“He can?” Gayle asked hopefully.

“I can?” Teddy asked doubtfully.

“Yeah!” Linda said. “You know what we could do?” 

“What?” Teddy and Gayle both asked.

“Double date!” Linda said. “Me and Teddy, Gayle and one of Teddy’s friends!”

“Wait,” Teddy said. “You wanna go on a date with me?”

“Sure,” Linda said. “if it means getting Gayle back on the scene.”

Teddy grinned. He knew Bob wouldn’t be too happy about him going on a date with Linda, but he didn’t care enough to turn her down. He had been harboring a crush on her for years now, pretty much since he met her. And now, they were divorced. And it would just be one date. One date with the purpose of getting Gayle back on the scene. If Bob asked, that was what Teddy would say. 

“Great!” Teddy said. “When are we doing this, then?”

“Are you free tomorrow night?” Linda asked Teddy. “Tina’s coming over during the day. She’s home from school! But she’s not staying for dinner because she has a date with Jimmy Jr.” 

“Yeah!” Teddy said. “I mean, I gotta go fix a clogged toilet, but I can reschedule that.”

“Teddy,” Linda said. “You can go do your job. We can do this a different night.”

“No! I’d rather do this!” Teddy said. He let out a laugh. “This is so exciting, isn’t it? Getting… Gayle back on the scene. Wow!”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Linda said.

“So,” Gayle said. “Teddy, let’s talk about what sort of guy I’m looking for…” She sat down between Teddy and Linda on the couch, and began to describe her ideal date to him, leaving out no detail.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emory tells Bob about Grindr, and Bob has a heart-to-heart with Gene.

It was getting late. The restaurant was closed. Tina had gone to her room to write erotic friend-fiction that revolved around her new zombie boyfriend, Brad, eating Jimmy Jr’s brain. Though she did not write her friend fiction as much as she did when she was younger, she found that it was still therapeutic. 

That left Bob and Emory in the living room. Bob was sitting on the couch, flipping through the TV channels. Emory was sitting in an armchair, on his phone. Bob kept glancing over at him.

“Is there anything you wanna watch?” Bob asked. 

Emory grunted out a “No.”

Bob put on an old western TV show. Emory typed on his phone.

“What’cha doing on there?” Bob asked.

Emory narrowed his eyes at Bob. “Seriously?” 

“What?” Bob asked. “I’m just trying to make conversation.”

“If you really wanna know…” Emory said. “I’m on Grindr.”

“…Is that, like, an app for sandwiches?” Bob asked.

Emory scoffed. “No,” he said. “It’s a gay dating app.”

“Oh.” Bob looked away. “Okay.”

“Is it a problem?” Emory asked.

“No!” Bob said quickly. “No, I know, uh… A lot of gay people. And some transvestites.” 

“You’re not supposed to say that,” Emory said.

“I’m not supposed to know gay people?” Bob asked.

Emory sighed. “No. Transvestites. It’s transgender, not transvestite.”

“Marshmallow never objected to it,” Bob said.

“Okay, but in general, you shouldn’t say that as a general term,” Emory said. 

“Fine. Sorry,” Bob said. 

Emory didn’t say anything in response.

“So, uh… What sort of gay people are on the Grindr app?” Bob asked.

“It’s slim pickings,” Emory said. “But I don’t wanna discuss this with you. No offense.”

Bob let out a small sigh. “Sorry,” he said.

Emory put his phone down after a bit, standing up. “’Night,” he said.

“Hey, Emory?” Bob said. “Uh… You can have… Guests… If you want.”

Emory forced a small smile. “Okay, thanks,” he said. He went into his bedroom and closed the door. 

Bob stared at the TV for a bit, his mind unable to focus on the cheesy western. During a commercial, he pulled out his phone and sent Gene a text: “Do u want 2 get lunch tomorrow?”

Gene texted back a few minutes later: “Yeah”

Bob returned the text immediately: “Cool meet me at the restaurant?”

Gene texted back with a thumbs up emoji. 

The next afternoon, Bob left Emory and Tina alone in the restaurant after the lunch rush died down, with strict instructions to call him if anything went wrong. The father and son went to a little café that Gene suggested. Bob took note of the rainbow flags hanging on the wall.

“So… How’s life?” Bob asked.

“Fine,” Gene said. “My band’s dead, meaning my dreams of being a rockstar are gonna die along with it.”

“What? What’s going on?” Bob asked.

“Well,” Gene said. “Courtney’s going to college in Michigan. And Jimmy Jr. thinks that the reason I’m upset about it is because I, quote, don’t have plans for my life.”

“That’s rough,” Bob said. “Couldn’t you just find someone to replace her?”

“It wouldn’t be the same,” Gene said.

“You can have a band without using your friend’s fancy equipment,” Bob pointed out. 

“It’s not just that!” Gene said. “Geez, Dad, I’m not that shallow! I just wanna have a band with my friends but no!”

“I’m sure you’ll work something out,” Bob said. “How’s your mom doing?”

“Is that what this is about?” Gene asked.

“No, I’m just curious,” Bob said.

“We’re moving out of Aunt Gayle’s,” Gene said.

“Oh? That’s good,” Bob said. 

“Yeah…” Gene let out a small laugh. “It is.”

“Where are you all moving to?” Bob asked. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Uh… We’re moving into Teddy’s house…” Gene said, looking down at his hot chocolate.

“Oh. Uh. That’s good,” Bob said. He was far less bothered than he felt he should be. He was still plenty bothered, but the urge to go to Teddy’s house and punch him in the face wasn’t there. “He’s lonely and he has a big house. So it works out, I guess.”

“You don’t care?” Gene asked.

“I do,” Bob said, “But… I don’t know, it’s time I try to move on with my life.”

Gene gasped. “Dad, do you have a girlfriend you’re not telling us about?”

“No!” Bob said quickly. “No, I don’t!”

“Promise you won’t date anyone my age?” Gene asked.

“I won’t!” Bob said. “I just wanted to ask you something…” He took a deep breath, but was quickly distracted by a tall man wearing a trench coat and a large hat that covered most of his face. But not enough to completely hide his identity. “Is that Mr. Fischoeder?” 

“You brought me here to ask that?” Gene asked.

“No, look over there,” Bob whispered. 

Gene turned around, examined the man, then turned back to his father. “Yeah… That’s him alright,” he said.

“In a gay coffee shop?” Bob frowned. “Is he gay…?”

“I don’t think so,” Gene said.

“Then why’s he here?” Bob asked.

“I'll ask him." Before Bob could object, Gene called out, "Mr. Fischoeder!” Several people looked over at them.

“Gene!” Bob hissed. 

“What?” Gene asked.

Mr. Fischoeder looked towards them, a quick look of panic across his face. He got up and approached them.

Bob wanted to sink into his seat. He was still behind on his rent, even though the restaurant was doing better than it had been. And he really didn’t want to explain why he was behind on rent in the middle of a gay coffee shop.

“The Belcher boys!” Mr. Fischoeder said in a casual tone. “How’s it been since your family crumbled?”

“It’s been good,” Bob said, anxiously gripping his coffee mug.

“Hm… You can afford to buy a five dollar cup of coffee, but you can’t afford to bring me the rent you owe me?” Mr. Fischoeder asked. 

“W-well… To be fair… You haven’t asked about it,” Bob said quickly. 

“I guess that is fair,” Mr. Fischoeder said. “Well… I best be off now… Until later, Belchers.”

With that, he left. Bob noticed that Mr. Fischoeder lingered outside the shop for a few moments, texting on his phone. 

“What were you gonna ask me?” Gene asked, distracting his father from trying to figure out what Mr. Fischoeder was doing.

“Uh… How did you know you were gay?” Bob asked.

Gene shrugged. “I saw a boy and thought, damn.”

“That’s all?” Bob asked.

“You didn’t know?” Gene asked. 

“Well, Linda and I speculated…” Bob said.

“That’s fair,” Gene said. “Why do you wanna know?”

Bob shrugged. “I just do,” he said.

“Dad… Are you gay?” Gene asked. 

“No!” Bob said quickly. “I-I’m not… I’m not gay, Gene!”

“Bi?” Gene asked.

“I don’t know,” Bob admitted. “Maybe.” 

“I knew it!” Gene declared.

“What do you mean?” Bob asked.

“That guy from the deli you talked about! And that football player guy!” Gene said. “And that baseball guy… Dad, are you into jocks?”

“I wasn’t attracted to Sandy Frye,” Bob said. “He was just… A cool guy.”

“And the baseball guy?” Gene asked.

“Torpedo?” Bob asked. “…Maybe.”

“Can I tell Mom?” Gene asked.

“No,” Bob said firmly. He suddenly felt very exposed. The thoughts that he had just ignored for most of his life had been gradually getting closer to the surface, especially since he met Emory. And now, they were bubbling to the surface, like a fish sensing that it was about to get fed. It was a weird feeling, definitely. 

“Is this a midlife crisis?” Gene asked. “Am I gonna show up to the restaurant one day and find you with a twink half your age?”

“No!” Bob said. 

Was Emory a twink? Bob had no idea what a twink was. Not that he’d ever date Emory. 

“Remember, Dad,” Gene said. “Half your age, plus seven. So the youngest you can go is 37.”

“I’m not sixty!” Bob said.

“You look it,” Gene replied.

“No I don’t, Gene.” Bob shook his head. He missed talking to his son. 

The two sat in the café and talked for a while. Afterwards, they went home, going their separate ways. Bob felt a lot lighter than he had felt coming into the whole situation. 

After closing up the restaurant, Bob went upstairs and took out his phone. It was an out-of-date smartphone, but it still worked well enough that he couldn’t justify replacing it. It took a while to load, but he got into the app store and downloaded the Grindr app. He couldn’t shake the feeling that the little orange creature in the logo was judging him.


End file.
